THE ABSOLUTE WORST CINEMATIC CRAP OF 2011 [Part 2]

Welcome to the second part of my list of The Absolute Worst Cinematic Crap of 2011. If you haven’t seen numbers ten through six, you ...

THE ABSOLUTE WORST CINEMATIC CRAP OF 2011 [Part 1]

Why is it that just about every critic I know of absolutely loathes the task of making lists at the end of the year? Is it because they know...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Adventures Of Tintin

Excerpt from my “Attack The Block” review posted on December 2nd, 2011:“As it turns out, [Joe] Cornish also collaborated with fellow Brit, E...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Darkest Hour

“The Darkest Hour” is being advertised as a high-energy action film or a fast thriller of some kind in its marketing campaign, but I would b...

MOVIE REVIEW: Young Adult

“Young Adult” is a comedy in that there are laughs to be had at the expense of the certifiably delusional main character and just about ever...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

Sorry to ruin everybody’s fun, but there is not a single solitary cell in my whole entire body that received enjoyment from a single frame i...

MOVIE REVIEW: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

I have had the distinct misfortune, though some might call it a privilege, of having missed the first two “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movies, ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

It is almost a little humorous how doubtful film critics and Internet bloggers were when it was announced that the late Swedish journalist S...

MOVIE REVIEW: New Year's Eve

“New Year’s Eve” is a romantic comedy film with an all-star cast including Hilary Swank, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ashton Kutcher, Zac Efron, Josh ...

MOVIE REVIEW: In Time

“In Time” presents a future world, or perhaps it is an alternate version of the present, in which time is quite literally money. Some kind o...

Moviefone's 50 Best Movies Of 2011

Full article can be found here. MOVIEFONE'S BEST MOVIES OF 2011 50. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 49. Transformers: Dark Of ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

Guy Ritchie’s 2009 film “Sherlock Holmes” was a blockbuster revisionist version of the cherished novels by Arthur Conan Doyle and were of de...

Critics Choice Awards 2012 nominations / 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards nominations

Unlike many of my fellow film critics, I actually love award season quite a bit. The big award shows like the Golden Globes and the Academy ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Puss In Boots

Oh boy, I thought just one anthropomorphic feline desperado who wears boots, a hat, a belt (which is apparently just for show, considering h...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Sitter

The saddest part about “The Sitter” is that Jonah Hill at least gives an earnest performance in it. He has his moments of delivering real co...

MOVIE REVIEW: Jack and Jill

Screw this movie. “Jack and Jill” is one of the most aggressively excruciating experiences I have had with a comedy since the last Happy Mad...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

What do you know? In the two full years I have been writing movie reviews, I have never been able to discuss in detail anything about the “T...

MOVIE REVIEW: Arthur Christmas

Christmas is often one of the most important times of the whole year for families around the world; a special day that brings everyone toget...

MOVIE REVIEW: Hugo

It is undisputed that critics and film buffs from all over mostly agree that Martin Scorsese is one of the greatest and most influential liv...

MOVIE REVIEW: Attack The Block

“Attack The Block,” like summer’s “Cowboys & Aliens,” takes an alien invasion premise and moves it into a relatively uncommon place for ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Muppets

Show of hands, who out there doesn’t love the Muppets? I love the Muppets, and if you are in the age demographic to possess fond memo...

ALBUM REVIEW: Trivium "Shogun"

Track Listing1. Kirisute Gomen*2. Torn Between Scylla and Charybdis3. Down From The Sky4. Into The Mouth Of Hell We March5. Throes Of Perdit...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: November 15th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Right Now”Artist: KornAlbum: Take A Look In The Mirror First and foremost, lemme just say “screw the music video for this (whi...

MOVIE REVIEW: Immortals

“Immortals” takes place a number of years after the War of the Titans, an event in Greek mythos during which the Olympians fought strong aga...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: November 8th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Still Waiting”Artist: Sum 41Album: Does This Look Infected? Oh goodness, this brings back some good ol’ memories from my child...

MOVIE REVIEW: A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

I have been nervous for this day to come ever since I first heard the news about a Harold & Kumar threequel in the works, and I will tel...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Rum Diary

“The Rum Diary” is quite similar to the Terry Gilliam film “Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas” when you get down to it. Other than the obvious ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Three Musketeers

I may have to double-check to verify the correctness of the statement I am about to make, but this 2011 version of “The Three Musketeers” ju...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: October 25th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “This Is Halloween”Artist: Marilyn MansonAlbum: Nightmare Revisited One of the people who I think has gotten an unfair reputati...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'

You know what I’ve never understood? Internet trolls. What’s their purpose in life other than to post incendiary comments that they probably...

MOVIE REVIEW: Mars Needs Moms

“Mars Needs Moms” is an animated film with its heart in the right place, while everything else is strewn all across the board like Scrabble ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Paranormal Activity 3

How long does it take for the novelty to wear off on an ingenious supernatural thriller? A question as old as that one about the number of l...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Thing

“The Thing” is another remake of (or technically a prequel to) a brutal and disgusting alien film from the 1980s, and like any other remake ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: October 18th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Bohemian Rhapsody”Artist: QueenAlbum: A Night At The Opera Say what you will about this being an obvious choice, but how dare ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: October 11th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Packaged Rebellion”Artist: AnthraxAlbum: Sound Of White Noise I cannot believe that I wrote my review for Anthrax’s Sound Of W...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Remake It Or Break It

Before I get into my semi-weekly rantings and ravings for this week, I want to take a brief period of seriousness to recognize...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Ides Of March

No matter what side you say you put your faith in for politics, whether you lean to left or right wing agendas, there is likely a whole lot ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Real Steel

“Real Steel” presents a version of America set in the not too distant future in which flesh-and-blood fighters have become obsolete and thei...

MOVIE REVIEW: Shark Night 3D

I could have told you the fundamental problem with “Shark Night 3D” even before having seen it. If you look at its MPAA rating, it reads “Ra...

MOVIE REVIEW: Green Lantern

June 17th, 2011 was indeed the blackest night for any die-hard fan of the DC superhero, the Green Lantern (or his true identity, Hal Jordan)...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: October 4th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Misirlou”Artist: Dick Dale Yeah, sure. Everybody and their mother knows about this song now mostly because of the Guitar Hero ...

MOVIE REVIEW: 50/50

If there is one predictable thing about life, it is the curiously unpredictable way in which cruel fate toys with humans. It can continually...

MOVIE REVIEW: Conan O'Brien Can't Stop

“Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop.” Indeed he cannot. He is on a constant mission to entertain the public, even if it means working himself to his v...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: September 27th, 2011

Brütal Søng: “Privilege”Artist: IncubusAlbum: Make Yourself Anybody remember when Incubus was a funk rock/metal band trying to be the next 8...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Dislike

You know what really annoyed me last Wednesday? No, I am not talking about the new Facebook layout. No, instead I was bothered by the amount...

MOVIE REVIEW: Moneyball

A quote from the great baseball legend Mickey Mantle is included at the beginning of “Moneyball” that reads, “It is unbelievable how much yo...

MOVIE REVIEW: Abduction

As much as I label him as the poster child for bad acting, I really do not want to think I have anything against Taylor Lautner or the movie...

MOVIE REVIEW: Straw Dogs

WARNING: Spoilers “Straw Dogs” is a remake of a very controversial film from the early 1970s directed by THE controversial filmmaker himself...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: September 20th, 2011

Hola, fanditos. How have you all been the last month? As you can probably tell from my lack of posting aside from my high-demand movie revie...

MOVIE REVIEW: Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star

One important rule of comedy for me is not to give your characters funny names, because chances are that the names themselves aren’t really ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Drive

In a humble and darkened apartment in downtown Los Angeles, an enigmatic gentleman specifies his gig as a getaway driver with some potential...

MOVIE REVIEW: Contagion

What is it lately with movies that sound great to me but end up falling just a few yards short of my expectations? It seems like that has be...

MOVIE REVIEW: Our Idiot Brother

Paul Rudd is almost like the Tom Hanks of the contemporary comedy scene. He’s got a pleasant and irreplaceable charm about him, movie star g...

MOVIE REVIEW: Apollo 18

“Apollo 18” must mark, what is it, the thirteen-millionth film that belongs in the not-at-all overpopulated (sarcasm) subgenre of the Found ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Debt

“The Debt” has a few of the right things going for it to be an effective social thriller, but I don’t remember there being a moment where it...

MOVIE REVIEW: Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark

“Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark,” a remake of a made-for-TV movie from the early 1970s, has a lot of first-rate things working in its favor, wh...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Tree Of Life

I once heard the acclaimed director Martin Scorcese say something quite poetic about Terrence Malick’s 1998 film “The Thin Red Line.” He men...

MOVIE REVIEW: Fright Night

No matter what other people may tell you about me, I walk into every film with an approach similar to everyone else’s in the theater. I want...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Dilemma

Have you ever noticed when there is a scene in a movie that just feels completely out of place with everything else that is going on? Why wa...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: In Waves Of Disparagement

You know what I ain’t really too big on? When people claim that a band or artist they love has “sold out” just because they happened to take...

MOVIE REVIEW: Drive Angry

John Milton (Nicolas Cage) is a madman who busts out of the fiery depths of Hell with intentions to rescue his granddaughter from the clutch...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: August 14th, 2011

Guess what feature on my blog is one year old today? That’s right, fatty: it’s the BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK! It began with “Suffocating Sight...

MOVIE REVIEW: 30 Minutes Or Less

“30 Minutes Or Less” is a high-concept action comedy that seems to be loosely associated with a series of real-life events in 2003 that had ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Final Destination 5

“Final Destination 5” is a vile and gruesome horror film, but probably not for the reasons you have come to expect from the franchise. From ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Help

“The Help” is a pleasant, enjoyable and occasionally heartrending film about a delicate and frankly unflattering time period in America’s so...

MOVIE REVIEW: Crazy, Stupid, Love

Sounding like a promising romantic comedy at first glance considering a plentifully talented cast, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” is only a mildly en...

MOVIE REVIEW: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

Because of their common placement as sideshow attractions at the circus and as adorable animal sidekicks in movies, people have a kind of fo...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Change-Up

Is it just me, or is “The Hangover” feeling more and more like a fluke with every fleeting weekend in which an R-rated comedy is released? W...

MOVIE REVIEW: Cowboys & Aliens

I’ll be direct with everyone: “Cowboys & Aliens” is good. Far from perfect, but still good. In fact, there is a multitude of separate th...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Cowboys, Aliens, Reluctance, Oh My!

Daniel Craig and director Jon Favreau...er, posing? I learned long ago not to excessively praise movies before I actually see them, but boy,...

MOVIE REVIEW: Friends With Benefits

Hmm. I get the strangest feeling I have been around these parts before. Is it just me, or has there been more that one movie recently about ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: July 24th, 2011

Brütal Søng Of The Week: “Apollo I: The Writing Writer” by Coheed and Cambria from the album Good Apollo I’m Burning Star IV, Volume One: Fr...

MOVIE REVIEW: Captain America: The First Avenger

“Thor” AND “Captain America: The First Avenger?” My dad’s two favorite Marvel superheroes of all-time? Arriving to theaters everywhere in th...

MOVIE REVIEW: Winnie The Pooh

In addition to my fondness of Harry Potter that was discussed in my last movie review, I also must admit that I have a soft spot for Winnie ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: The People Vs. Harry Potter

What a long, strange trip it's been. So… did a Harry Potter movie just recently come out? Because I have the strangest feeling that I...

MOVIE REVIEW: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part Two

I am not gonna lie; I love the Harry Potter movies. Ever since the mega-franchise’s inauguration to the big-screen in 2001, I have been hook...

MOVIE REVIEW: Zookeeper

I am honestly of the opinion that Kevin James can be very funny (see TV’s The King Of Queens) and that he will have a respectable film role ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: July 10th, 2011

I am so sorry for being extremely unfaithful with my promise of more Brütal Søngs, but my schedule has been pretty tight over the last coupl...

MOVIE REVIEW: Horrible Bosses

There are only two types of people in this world: people who can successfully execute a plan and those who cannot. The three discontent work...

MOVIE REVIEW: Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Not too long ago, director Michael Bay gave an apology as to why “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen” was such a cinematic failure. Despite...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Best And Worst of 2011...So Far

We are right smack-dab in the middle of the movie year. You know what that means: it is time for me to list off some of the best and worst...

MOVIE REVIEW: Cars 2

Today marks a sad day for me, a long time Pixar fanboy, for it is the first time in the studio’s feature film history that I cannot give my ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: The History Of Pixar, Part 2

Hello, and welcome to the second and final part of my look at Pixar films (for those of you missed part one, here it is). Let’s get right ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: The History Of Pixar, Part 1

Starting with the original “Toy Story” on November 22nd 1995 (the first feature film created entirely through computer graphics), Pixar An...

MOVIE REVIEW: Midnight In Paris

WARNING: Review may contain spoilers. Woody Allen’s latest effort as both screenwriter and director may very well be his best film in quite ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Think About It

I always get a kick out of people telling me that they should never have to think while watching a movie. What I think is even more outrageo...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: June 13th, 2011

Now you all are probably wondering “Dude, WTF? Where was your Brütal Søng of the Week last Sunday? And why are you posting one on Monday?” M...

MOVIE REVIEW: Super 8

Before I get too in depth with my review of “Super 8,” it must be noted that, like the viral marketing campaign of the J.J. Abrams produced ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: I Remember Now

The other day, I was watching the 1980 Stanley Kubrick modern horror classic “The Shining” because it was about to expire from Netflix ins...

MOVIE REVIEW: X-Men: First Class

After two consecutive missteps in the X-Men film franchise (“The Last Stand” and “Origins: Wolverine”), I think the series has finally been ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Kung Fu Panda 2

Once upon a time in ancient China, a young peacock was to inherit the throne to the kingdom his parents had set out for him. But one fateful...

MOVIE REVIEW: Gnomeo & Juliet

“Gnomeo & Juliet” may speak less to me about the works of William Shakespeare than it does about the current era of animated films. We a...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: May 29th, 2011

………long time no see, right? Okay okay okay, the reason why I have not done a Brütal Søng of the Week in two months now is because I have bee...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Hangover Part II

“I can’t believe this is happening again,” says the soon-to-be-married Stu (Ed Helms) in “The Hangover Part II,” the direct follow-up to the...

ALBUM REVIEW: Red Hot Chili Peppers "Blood Sugar Sex Magik"

Track Listing:1. The Power Of Equality2. If You Have To Ask3. Breaking The Girl4. Funky Monks5. Suck My Kiss6. I Could Have Lied7. Mellowshi...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Roommate

The makers of “Just Go With It” and “Hall Pass” could only hope to yank as many laughs out of me as “The Roommate” was able to…if only that ...

MOVIE REVIEW: Thor

The blockbuster that my dad has been waiting for all his life, “Thor” follows the tradition of kicking off the summer movie season with supe...

MOVIE REVIEW: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

In “Pirates of The Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” the first entry in the now gigantic Disney franchise, Johnny Depp and company l...

MOVIE REVIEW: Something Borrowed

Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Darcy (Kate Hudson) have been best friends for all of their lives, though Darcy has time and again bogarted th...

MOVIE REVIEW: Bridesmaids

No stranger to getting his name behind R-rated raunchy comedies, Judd Apatow has been producer on some of the very best, including “Superbad...

MOVIE REVIEW: Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil

“Movies are always better [than books]. Especially sequels.” –Boingo The Bunny (Andy Dick) in what could not be a less legitimate statement....

MOVIE REVIEW: Fast Five

Mission in-freaking-sanity? Oh yes it is! Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel), Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and a gaggle of supporting characters unite...

MOVIE REVIEW: Water For Elephants

“Water For Elephants” tells the story of Jacob Jankowski (Robert Pattinson), a young Polish boy growing up in Great Depression-era America w...

MOVIE REVIEW: Your Highness

“Your Highness” stars Danny McBride, James Franco and Natalie Portman, who are all pretty good in their respective roles. Each one of them h...

MOVIE REVIEW: Hanna

“Hanna” is both the accomplished thriller that “Salt” wanted to be and the kick-butt female empowerment action movie that “Sucker Punch” sho...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Blood Pressured

A little under two months ago, I began to see a petition being circulated around my News Feed on Facebook and even had a message sent to m...

MOVIE REVIEW: Rio

“Rio” is a 3D animated film from Blue Sky Studios, the animation company that brought us the “Ice Age” franchise and the big-screen Dr. Seus...

MOVIE REVIEW: Scream 4

Fifteen years have passed since the original Ghostface killings occurred in the small town of Woodsboro. Not only have these incidents spark...

MOVIE REVIEW: Arthur

There is a scene considerably early on in “Arthur” in which the wealthy Scotch-loving title character (played by Russell Brand) and the plai...

MOVIE REVIEW: Source Code

I always love a good movie that offers a deceivingly simple underlying premise that step-by-step reveals itself to be part of something much...

MOVIE REVIEW: Insidious

Something strange is pursuing the Lambert family wherever they go. Upon settling into a seasoned old house, the mother Renai (Rose Byrne) is...

MOVIE REVIEW: Cedar Rapids

While I am giving “Cedar Rapids” a positive review, I must point out that there is not really anything that makes it stand out as explicitly...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: G33K M0V!35 SUXX0R$ >:-(

This morning, I had an awful lot of 'splaining to do about my recent “Sucker Punch” review. I disliked the film because it did not bring...

MOVIE REVIEW: Rango

I will level with you: “Rango” is a freaking weird animated movie. It begins like a quirky animator’s strange drug trip, and yes, that was a...

MOVIE REVIEW: Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

Released around this time last year was the first installment of the film adaptations to Jeff Kinney’s Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series of books....

MOVIE REVIEW: Sucker Punch

Everybody knows by now that I love “Inception.” And one of the things I believe adds to its greatness is the sense of peril that is constant...

MOVIE REVIEW: Limitless

The human mind is one complex specimen. It apparently has the capacity to process so many trivial details and attributes that we do not even...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: March 20th, 2011

Jagshemash, everybody! How we all doing this afternoon? The Brütal Søng of the Week is “Falling To Pieces” by Faith No More from the album T...

MOVIE REVIEW: Paul

Frequent collaborators Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have proven to be an exceptional comic duo in two past films, the 2004 zombie flick “Shaun ...

Salty The Beast's Star Rating Tutorial

Heeeeey everybody! Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Hope everybody escaped the law for their public drunkenness and disorderly conduct. And if you d...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: A Matter Of Opinion

Does anybody else find the whole concept of criticism quite fascinating? Not so much the idea that an individual gives their interpretation ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: March 13th, 2011

Brütal Søng of The Week. I choose you! CHA!!! Why, it’s “Hell Awaits” by Slayer from the album of the same name. Man, last night, I was crav...

MOVIE REVIEW: Battle: Los Angeles

I believe it was Michelle Rodriguez’s character in “Battle: Los Angeles” who says that she did not get into the present circumstances based ...

ALBUM REVIEW: Mötley Crüe "Too Fast For Love"

Track Listing:1. Live Wire*2. Come On And Dance3. Public Enemy #14. Merry-Go-Round5. Take Me To The Top*6. Piece Of Your Action7. Starry Eye...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: Period, The End?

We may be witnessing the beginning of the end of a star’s career. The man who got his start in the mid-eighties with films like “The Wrait...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: March 6th, 2011

D’aaargh! Just when I catch up to my movie reviews, more movies and more laziness come to clog my capacity to churn things out. Yes, I went ...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Adjustment Bureau

There is a point somewhere in “The Adjustment Bureau” where the man we follow is forced to choose between two completely different scenarios...

MOVIE REVIEW: Unknown

Biotechnology researcher Dr. Martin Harris (Liam Neeson) is in what Ned Flanders would call “a dilly of a pickle.” He and his wife Liz (Janu...

ALBUM REVIEW: Motörhead "Ace Of Spades"

Track Listing:1. Ace Of Spades*2. Love Me Like A Reptile3. Shoot You In The Back*4. Live To Win5. Fast and Loose6. (We Are) The Road Crew7. ...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: A Fever Is An Expression Of Inner Rage

WARNING: This topic will be a controversial one because I, Salty The Beast, have an opinion far different from most others who may frequentl...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Mechanic

A mechanic, aside from the dictionary definition meaning a craftsman who uses tools to repair machinery, is the codename describing a specif...

75 Oscarvations

Those of you who follow me on Facebook know good and well that I went absolutely bonkers with my live observations during the Oscars. People...

2011 Academy Award Winners (complete list)

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGNAlice In Wonderland BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESSMelissa Leo (The Fighter) BEST ANIMATED SHORTThe Lost Thing BEST ANIMATED F...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: February 27th, 2011

The Academy Awards are finally upon us. Remember a few weeks ago when I said I was not particularly excited about the Superbowl because of m...

MOVIE REVIEW: Piranha 3D

The reason for me reposting my original review for "Piranha 3D" is because the number of hits on the first post has gotten way out...

MOVIE REVIEW: Hall Pass

The Farrelly brothers Peter and Bobby have written and directed some of my favorite comedies ever, including “Dumb and Dumber,” “Kingpin” an...

MOVIE REVIEW: Just Go With It

Is there any reason why I have to make a write-up for “Just Go With It?” Look at the facts: It is a 1) Happy Madison production 2) starring ...

ALBUM REVIEW: Velvet Revolver "Contraband"

Track Listing:1. Sucker Train Blues2. Do It For The Kids3. Big Machine4. Illegal I Song5. Spectacle6. Fall To Pieces7. Headspace*8. Superhum...

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN: I'm So Jaded (Am I The One That Jaded Me?)

The other day, one of my friends (a big fan of “TRON: Legacy”) was telling me about a Tron threequel that is potentially in the works. She...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: February 20th, 2011

Aw screw it. I have finally run out of interesting opening topics to open these things. Let’s see…is Mel Gibson still in the news? No, that ...

MOVIE REVIEW: I Am Number Four

“I Am Number Four” tries to cram a graphic novel sized story into a standard length feature film and that is the first of its innumerable fa...

ALBUM REVIEW: Rancid "...And Out Come The Wolves"

Track Listing:1. Maxwell Murder*2. The 11th Hour^3. Roots Radicals4. Time Bomb5. Olympia, WA6. Lock, Step & Gone7. Junkie Man8. Listed M...

Starting Next Tuesday...

I shall make a new addition to my weekly arsenal of features to my blog. The confirmative title of these articles that will appear on (mos...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: February 14th, 2011

Most of you (okay, in actuality, very few of you) are probably wondering the same thing: Where the hell was your Brütal Søng yesterday, Salt...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Eagle

I know I might be kind of a hypocrite considering I said on last week’s “Sanctum” review that I “prefer walking into films as blindly and un...

Computer Luv

MOVIE REVIEW: Sanctum

I often try to avoid trailers and other such promotional material for films before I go out and see them. Trailers have become a huge enemy ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: February 6th, 2011

Is there any reason why I should be posting a Brütal Søng of the Week when everyone is currently busy watching Superbowl XLV? It’s like a tr...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: January 30th, 2011

I am going to try and wrap this part up pretty quickly because I am kind of time restricted at this moment. So please excuse me if I sound n...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Rite

It is a rare instance to find a horror or thriller film that is so bad that the cheap jump scares actually elevate the material from the lev...

83rd Academy Awards Oscar Nominations

...And my heavily biased and unsolicited opinions. Starting now! BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR 127 Hours Black Swan The Fighter Inception ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: January 23rd, 2011

GAH! January 2011 is turning out to be a very lackluster month for movies. I have seen five movies so far this year and none of them I have ...

MOVIE REVIEW: No Strings Attached

Don’t you ever find it weird when movies with similar topics or stories are released within mere months of each other? Take for example the ...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: January 16th, 2011

HEY! The Golden Globes were on tonight for anyone who cares. Unlike the People’s Choice Awards show, there was little to no mention of the “...

MOVIE REVIEW: The Green Hornet

I suppose that writing partners Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (who penned the great “Superbad” a few years back) do not know how to proficien...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number One

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF 2010 This bonus category is rather self-explanatory. Listed below are my ten omissions in alphabetical order (instea...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Two

Man, I have really got to get this top ten over and done with. We are near the end of the wire and the suspense is literally killing me (Not...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: January 9th, 2011

My number two movie of 2010 is…oh wait, wrong post. Good afternoon, gentlemen and gentlerwoman,You know why I called you here today. That is...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Three

My number three movie of 2010 is --- Wait, hold on one second. Almost forgot about something. Before I get all prim-and-proper critic mode a...

MOVIE REVIEW: Season Of The Witch

Why in the world are casting directors so inclined to put Nicolas Cage in action adventure movies? If you ask me, he seems like one of the l...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Four

Hello, everypeople. In my efforts to continue posting my top ten, I completely forgot to pay my respects to English actor Peter Postlethwait...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Five

Well, CBS is televising the 2011 People’s Choice Awards tonight. Is it too late to start cringing at how many honors “Twilight Saga: Eclipse...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Six

Ahoy, marshmallow mateys! I am Salty The Beast (who else would it be on this appositely titled blog?) and we are smack dab in the middle of ...

Open Letter To Doug q

The following is a comment from IMDb user Doug q in response to the so-called unwarranted egotism displayed in my #9 post: Yeah. I kind of c...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Seven

My number seven pick of 2010 is... 7. THE AMERICAN WARNING: “The American” is by no means your run-of-the-mill action film. This is a lo...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Eight

Dude. I have some of the coolest friends sometimes. They make my Brütal Søng Of The Week section look like Limp Bizkit by comparison. A litt...

BRÜTAL SØNG OF THE WEEK: January 2nd, 2011

Hey, HEY!!! Hope everybody is having a most excellent first-two-days-of-the-year. I have been loving it so far, despite the fact that a lot ...

SALTY THE BEAST'S TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2010: Number Nine

Well look who came crawling back for more Salty The Beast action. You knew you just could not live without my snarky social commentary and m...